When I discover myself, I am a waterfall. Like a waterfall, a sacred jet, I feel healthy in my bones and my toes. When I’m full, I follow this hum, a string struck at the heart of a bowl, continuing to drum on its edges. When I am struck by a beautiful sight, a phrase, a cry or a color, there is a vibrant feeling that sticks with me. I define this vibration, this careful flickering, as a resonance.
We live in a fast world. Our desires are served on a silver platter. Obsessions appear on our doorstep or in the palms of our hands with just a touch. We expect satisfactory delivery in an Amazon package. Bosses expect us to respond to Teams chats and emails within minutes. We feel tension when we are emotionally unavailable and cannot respond to a text message. The buzz we crave is no longer personal. It’s shared. We lose resonance. We are unscathed by thinking in a world that moves too fast for us to sit with anything.
So I take issue with that. How can we pay more attention to what actually sticks? What does it mean when we pay attention enough to pause and be struck by that resonant chord? And how can we cherish and understand these moments and how they define who we are?
We are unscathed by thinking in a world that moves too fast for us to sit with anything.
In the dictionary, resonance is the process of being deep, full, and reverberant. As a whole, Resonance is quite mathematical, with the initial definition of the word having to do with formulas and calculations. To me, resonance is more than science. It’s about taking the time to notice the moments that gently move us forward. We can benefit from the legs of its fullness, from the marathon of holistic sound and from what accompanies us, in to slow down and we ask ourselves, “Why did this resonate with me?” And what can I do to feel the energy of reflection more often?
One of my favorite books, Large Circle by Maggie Shipstead, tells the story of a daredevil woman who makes her way in aviation. Somewhere in the book, a character discusses the potential of death; crash a plane. Her friend said, “I was interested in what you said at that dinner, about how when we die, everything evaporates. I think that was the word? This resonated with me. I try to pay attention to resonance. This quote was progressive for me. Paying attention to what touches us can mean a dozen things. And paying attention to what stops us in our tracks will provide a wholeness that can heal us.
I read somewhere that a playground swing was one of the most familiar human examples of physical resonance. A slight push (i.e. resonance) helps maintain the amplitude of a swinging motion. Couldn’t this action also be accurate for humans? A little bit of energy and thought maintains our width and breadth as people. Resonance helps us move and rise, accessing a higher part of ourselves that we could not know without it.
I haven’t read Alice Waters’ book We are what we eat: a Slow Food manifesto but this quote about understanding that things take time struck me: “Speed is the engine of fast food culture, fueling all other values. Speed says that things must go very quickly: the faster the better. You order, you receive. You want it, you should have it. But with speed, if there’s no instant gratification, there’s frustration. There is no maturity, no time to think, no patience. Our expectations are distorted and we become easily distracted. We lose the sense that things take time – like growing food, cooking, learning a language or starting a business – or getting to know someone, for that matter. Time is money. And when time becomes money, many things no longer have meaning, including our work. »
Consider the emotions. People tell stories of trauma and shock and note that they didn’t feel emotion until later. Last year, a dear friend of mine passed away. When I heard the news, I didn’t cry. The emotions didn’t show a face until I felt the buzz of his life. When I heard the memories of his friends and stood in the path of hundreds of his loved ones, I burst into tears. Resonance gave me openness and time to feel.
A little bit of energy and thought maintains our width and breadth as people. Resonance helps us move and rise, accessing a higher part of ourselves that we could not know without it.
Resonance can also bring us closer to each other. Bryony Gordon wrote about her depression in an essay in The telegraph. While reading the roomI realized how important it is to get closer to depression and take advantage of the moments to feel its strong mouth sinking down on us. For what? Because depression resonates. She describes the comfort she feels in understanding why she feels depressed. Through writing about mental health and sorting things out in her head, she learned that depression is a strange mechanism, a way of “alerting you that your life isn’t working the way it is.” She writes: “In this context, a collective feeling of not feeling quite right is the best thing to do. »
Resonance can provide us with answers and help us understand ourselves. We cannot access this information when we rush through the daily rhythm of life. Depression is one of the scariest feelings, but if I take the time to understand why it exists, I feel better for it. When I face my fears – doubt, pain, joy and healing – I better understand why they need to sit with me.
In my experience, the pandemic has made me feel like I’ve lost the power to notice things that make me think. Routine, in my mind, is the great thief of how we experience things and sit with what drives us. With routine, we become complacent. When we do the same thing every day, see the same person, wake up with our daily alarm, eat the same breakfast, stay away from traveling, we can lose what makes us feel expansive. We lack the potential for surprise; the urgent anticipation of the unknown. Resonance is important when I travel. I don’t focus on a mundane to-do list. I smell new smells, try foods, walk streets I’ve never seen before. How can we overcome the stagnation of everyday life and break the numbness we all feel?
Reflection and resonance are two different things. I wanted to be sure to include it here because I thought about it last night while taking a bath. Resonance is when something surrounds us and we notice that it propels us forward. To reflect is to understand the importance of the pause.
So what makes us resonate with things? According to this website (Writer’s note: and one of the only ones I could find on emotional resonance), things that resonate bring joy – and that’s why we notice them. When it came to depression, what resonated was noticing that depression didn’t resonate. Depression became an indication that I needed to change my life.
We should pay attention to what resonates with us, and what doesn’t, because this split moment of push or pull signals a feeling of enlightenment. When something touches me, I know it’s precious. When something doesn’t suit me, I know I need a change. When I read a good sentence in a book, this desire to underline it, it reminds me to ask Why. Why does this sentence mean so much to me? Paying attention to resonance is knowing who we are. Sorting out our existence means knowing who we can become.
Resonance is why I write. Resonance is why I read. That’s why I like to be patient and quiet. That’s why I listen to horses. This is why I crave travel, meditation and yoga. What a gift to be marked by joy in our calm and, through this experience, to understand what makes us who we are.
When I read a good sentence in a book, this desire to underline it, it reminds me to ask Why. Why does this sentence mean so much to me? Paying attention to resonance is knowing who we are. Sorting out our existence means knowing who we can become.
What touches me recharges me. So for fun, I made a list. This way I can better understand how to feel regenerated. And I highly recommend you do it too. Deep breathing (my little list of things that resonate): metaphors, stories of ordinary people doing extraordinary things, songs about prudence and love, the color bluechildren’s advice, origin stories, the tender philosophy of time, horses, Mary Oliver, cats in the sun, childhood memories, spring and the ocean.
I can always come back to this list when I have forgotten who I am. I can return to this list when I need to slow down; take the time to think. I can return to this list when I need to feel that buzz of life, that always sweet breath of harmony within me.
So, in this wild and precious life, what appeals to you?
Brittany Chaffee is a passionate storyteller, professional empath, and author. On a daily basis, she gets paid to strategize and create content for brands. Outside of working hours, it’s all about a well-lit place, warm bread and good company. She lives in St. Paul with her little cat brothers, Rami and Monkey. Follow her on Instagramlearn more about his latest book, Limitand (above all) go kiss your mother.
