I have never been good at staying still. Whether it’s tossing and turning in my sleep or setting my meditation app for three minutes or less, squirming is part of who I am (much to the chagrin of everyone I’ve shared a bed, I’m sure).
As I grew older, my constant need to do something shifted from not being able to stay in one place during story time to needing to be distracted from my distractions. I can’t journal without listening to music, write without listening to a podcast, or watch a movie without my art supplies in hand. I think it’s because I’m afraid of what will happen when I finally tune out all the noise: the thoughts I might think, the feelings I’ll feel, etc., etc., etc. That makes sense, right?
In all honesty, I’m the last person who should be giving advice on peace. Between my full-time job and my many beloved freelance gigs, I regularly overwork myself. I can’t seem to relax and often find myself spending the tiny moments of downtime I’ve given myself sucked deep into the vortex of TikTok until I realize, wow, it’s bedtime. I pass out without thinking much about anything, then I wake up and do it again.
I can’t journal without listening to music, write without listening to a podcast, or watch a movie without my art supplies in hand. I think it’s because I’m afraid of what will happen when I finally tune out all the noise.
However, I know what I should do. The problem, as always, is to act accordingly. That’s why we’re going to start small.
Stillness – at least in the sense I’m referring to – does not necessarily mean a lack of movement. If you’re not comfortable in a certain position, it’s okay to wiggle around until it feels right. Furthermore, it’s not even about finding comfort or acceptance by hearing your own thoughts or living in your own body. Sometimes it doesn’t feel good, and that’s okay. That’s a conversation for another time.
For now, the goal is to recapture some of the micro-moments of calm that could (hopefully!) help us live in the exact space we’re in now. Or, more succinctly, some moments when we can be fair. Sometimes that means feeling hard things and thinking difficult thoughts, and sometimes that means closing your eyes and enjoying the fresh air. Anyway, let’s be here now. (I thought I found this phrase for a second, but it’s definitely Ram Dass/Lyrics by Mason Jennings running through my head. Go figure.)
Call on a partner.
AKA your pet, who will happily lounge in the sun while you pet him.
Use (yes!) technology.
Set a timer and forbid yourself from doing anything until the alarm sounds. Try one of those social media blocking software, or one of the gentler “here’s a reminder to unclench your jaw” push notification apps. And actually follow the instructions.
Establish rituals.
Every time you start your car, lean back and count to ten. Or make it so you can’t drive until the current song ends.
Give yourself reminders.
A note on the closet that encourages a rapid breathing exercise before opening, perhaps?
Let the to-do list be done.
Instead of moving on to your next task after finishing something, take a few minutes to feel a sense of accomplishment. Have you finished your laundry? Lie down with a cool sheet. Did you just send an email? Close the laptop for a second. Along the same lines, once you’ve sent your daily “I love you” message to your mom or best friend, put your phone away and savor a second knowing that they are so happy to hear from you .
Distraction-free meals.
Have your morning coffee and tea solobefore you start (and can’t stop) scrolling through your emails. Simply hold the hot cup in your hands and enjoy. Likewise, eat lunch outside, with no screens allowed. Chew slowly and when you’re done, take a few minutes to enjoy the feeling of fullness before moving on.
Try treatment.
Reiki is a great idea. And massage, always.
Keep the ads.
Instead of skipping an ad as soon as it comes on, turn off the volume and give yourself thirty seconds to breathe.
Sit on a massage chair at the mall.
Specific! But if you pass by, stop.
Or on a park bench.
Even if you’re there all the time, you’ll notice things you never noticed before, guaranteed.
Spend time near water.
You can’t bring your phone into the pool!!!! If you don’t have access to a lake, river, swimming pool, etc., take a long bath or shower.
Secure the appointment.
Block out some quiet time in your calendar. It doesn’t matter what time of day or how much time you have: just treat your calm as the most important event of your day.
Check.
Before you go to bed, put away your electronic devices, close your book and be quiet. Reflect on your day, do your gratitude practicelisten to the sounds of the night, whatever. Just give yourself some time to unpack your things before starting all over again.
Sophie Vilensky (@sophiavilensky on Instagram and Twitter or if you met her in sophomore year) is a Real Housewives student and the daughter of a naturopath. At present, these things are very important to her.
